Loss

Four years ago, I planned on flying home to celebrate my mother's 75th birthday.  However, instead of travelling alone in mid-winter, my wife and I decided to drive cross country for a longer visit the following summer.  I talked briefly with my mom on her birthday, but as she was deaf it was a challenge for her to have a phone conversation because she could not hear you very well.

On April 15, 2018, she had a stroke and fell into a coma.  On April 27th, they removed the last of her life support.  With her family be her side she passed away peacefully except I wasn't there and I never got to say goodbye.

On the 15th when my father called me and told me my mother was in the hospital and over the next twelve days as he shared the grim reality of what was happening I thought about booking a flight.  My dad told me not to come and there was nothing I could do.  So I stayed home.

I did hem and ha about booking a flight deciding I needed to be there only to change my mind again.  Then on the 27th, my dad called to inform me she was gone.  So there was even less for me to do as she was not having a funeral.

It was decided that my wife and I would still drive out that summer and we would hold a memorial for my mother.  It was a small, simple gathering but it made me realize how much  my mother touched other people's lives.  I saw people there from every major era of her life there and it made me proud and I guess that I finally did get to say goodbye.