On Sunday, April 15, 2018 my mother suffered a stroke and was rushed to hospital. On Friday, April 20, 2018 she was moved to palliative care. Yesterday, Friday, April 27, 2018, afternoon my mother passed away peacefully and quietly surrounded by family.
For the past ten days or so, I have felt like I was out of step with life as it went on around me. It seemed that I was frozen in that moment waiting for word to come. While I had come to peace with what was to happen, I did not seem to be moving on.
Yesterday afternoon when my wife returned home after only working 2 hours of her shift and told me I needed to sit down. Oddly enough, it was not the news I had been both expecting and dreading for a week that crossed my mind. My first thought was "Oh shit, she has been fired."
I had told my father during our last conversation that my wife had made arrangement with her boss to come home when the time came. So instead of calling me, he called her so that I would not be alone when I heard of mom's passing.
As I said, I had come to peace with my mother's passing before I heard the news. Yet it still concerned me a little how calmly I took the news. I did not seem to have much emotion at all.
Over the past week, I have heard a song, saw a commercial on TV, or somebody said or did something that reminded me of my mother. And I would tear up and cry for a few minutes, but then it would pass as quickly as it came. Something, I am sure I will continue to experience over the coming days.
However, last night as we were getting ready to go to bed, I said something to my wife about remembering the date. For some reason that seemed to finalize everything that has happened and it opened the flood gates.
Goodbye Mama. I love you. I will miss you.
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