Dad Jokes

Last week, I learned it is not best to plan a daily blog post the same week my wife decides we need to work on the renovations that we have planned in our condo.  So the "unofficial week of recipes" shall return next week when she goes back to work.  This time from my new cookbook "Secrets of the M*A*S*H Mess: The lost recipes of Private Igor.

Today, November 25th would have been my Mom's 78 birthday.  Anyone who knew my mom knew her smile and her laugh, so to honor her today, a post full of "Dad Jokes" that I think she would have enjoyed and laughed at.  Miss you mama!

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?            

            Because they are so good at it.

What do you call a Dad that lies about having kids?        

            A faux pa.

Two gold fish are in a tank, one gold fish says to the other “do you know how to drive this thing?”

A friend of mine posted on Facebook “What rhymes with orange?”  I responded “No it doesn't.”

How does Darth Vader like his toast?                                

            On the dark side.

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?                      

             Three: the right ear, the left ear, and the final front-ear

What do prisoners use to call each other?

            Cell phones

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

            He felt his presents.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

            It's fine, he woke up.

If a child refuses to sleep during naptime, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Why was the belt sent to jail?

            For holding up a pair of pants.

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

            So I packed up my stuff and right.

What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

            A mathema-chicken.

My wife gave me a list of things she would like to do for her 32nd birthday.

            And I told her "there is no way we can do all that in 30 seconds".

Why do melons have weddings?

            Because they cant-elope.

How does a penguin build a house?

            I-glues it together.

What do you can a fish with two knees?

            A two-knee fish.

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

            Robertoe

Why is impossible to hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

            Because the pee is silent?

Which U.S. State is famous for its extra small soft drinks?

            Minne-soda

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

            De-brie is everywhere.

What would the Terminator be called after he retired?

            The Ex-Terminator.

What did Tennesse?

            The same thing Arkan-saw.

My wife asked me to get six cans of sprite at the store, but I realized when I got back I had picked 7-up.

My doctor told me that my DNA is backwards, and I said AND?

What did the cannibal get when he came home and his wife was mad at him?

            The cold shoulder.

Why did the slug call the police?

            Because it was a-salted.

What do you call a cheese without any friends?

            Prov-alone.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

            A fsh.